Friendship Boundaries

Tonight Niki and I had to have 'the talk'.

Not the sex talk, although she did use the word 'vagina' an inordinate amount of times tonight. It wasn't an intervention or one of those sit down discussions where we divulge our innermost secrets and truly bond as womenfolk over tears and chocolate ice cream.

Tonight, I had to draw a line in the sand and let Niki, my boo, know that there were boundaries and limitations to our friendship; lines that were solid and unchangeable.

We spent the majority of our Mommy's Evening Off cruising around Babies 'R' Us (yes, I realize the irony of spending our night away from the babies in a baby store). Niki found a light up rattle which kept her occupied for an hour like a kitten in a catnip and tinsel factory, and I cornered the only teenage male employee in the store to ask his personal opinion on breast pump effectiveness and which brand would he use were he properly endowed.

As always, it was a pretty fun night.

But nature called, expedited by an especially restless Bruce practicing Chuck Norris-Jitsu in my ever-expanding belly, and after paying for my purchases I headed off to the luxe accommodations of the Babies 'R' Us ladies restroom.

And it was there in those cramped facilities, accompanied by the smell of lemon Pine Sol and urine, I realized that Niki and I needed boundaries in our friendship. In fact, I think everyone does.

It was an awkward couple of minutes I spent in the restroom, doing my business and hurrying to get out of there. But I met up with my boo right outside and said in the gravest (and most appropriate tone) for the occasion:

"Niki, we need to talk."

Immediately, her brow furrowed and she looked at me curiously. "What did I do?"

"Nothing yet. That's why we need to talk. I just witnessed something and I need to make sure it never happens to us."

"... okay."

"Our friendship has blossomed in the past few months, wouldn't you say?" (Niki nodded.)

"There's a lot that I would do for you, and with you, above and beyond what acquaintances would do. I really do treasure our friendship. For example, if I were able to have a natural birth with Bruce and you could be there, I'd want you to be one of the people in the room witnessing the miracle of life emerge. I mean, we're going in to get our first full leg waxes tomorrow. Together. That's special. That's a special kind of bonding."

"Jess, you're creeping me out."

"But there's stuff I won't do Niki. I just won't do it."

"What in the heck happened in there?"

I sighed. The memory was still fresh. "If you called me at 3 o'clock in the morning, I'd pick up, even if you had nothing to say."

"Well, I'd text that late, yeah. But not call."

"Whatever. The point is, I'm always there for you. Except."

"Except?"

"Yeah. Except. If you ever call me when you're taking a poop in a public restroom, we're done. That's a line you can never cross. I have standards. Not many, but that's one I won't compromise on."

And then Niki understood. I'd never be as good as some of her more open minded friends back home, but at least I'd laid it all on the line. She paused and looked at me in the frigid 7 degree parking lot air.

"Deal." And I could tell in her face that she meant it.